ROTG Outtakes
by Dragon of Venus
Summary: The result of malfunctioning set pieces, rigged props, lots of clumsiness, and one mischief-loving winter spirit.


(June 24 '13, 9:26 pm)

Hey, remember that time I made up some bloopers for InuYasha? Haha, yeah, good times, good times... So, uh, while I go hide in my corner of embarrassment, you enjoy this.

(I'm just gonna stick with calling Jack's sister "Emma" because it's a bit more convenient than constantly referring to her as "Jack's sister.")

Disclaimer: Rise of the Guardians, beautiful movie that it is, belongs to DreamWorks Animation and William Joyce.

* * *

"Aaaannd, open the doors!" called the director.

North pushed on the large doors that led out to the launching shed. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he pushed, the doors refused to open. This puzzled the entire crew- it wasn't as if they were locked. Confused, and mildly embarrassed, North laughed behind the doors.

XXXXX

"If you're not a kangaroo," said Jack, stepping forward threateningly, "what are you?"

Bunnymund returned the gesture. "I'm a bunny," he replied. "The _Easter_ Bunny. People believe in me."

The two stared at each other for several seconds before the director shouted, "Cut!"

With the tension of the moment gone, Jack gave Bunny a light, good-natured slap in the face. The rabbit did the same, but with more force than he intended, and wound up unwittingly knocking Jack to the ground. "Whoa!" He chuckled, helping the boy up. "What are you, ninety pounds?"

XXXXX

North cracked his knuckles as he looked in Jack's direction. "Now we get down to tacks of brass."

Jack mumbled, "Tacks of...?" Suddenly, the door to North's office slammed shut behind him; he turned around just in time to see it lock. When he turned back to North, the man was mere inches away from him. Before North could say anything, though, Jack issued a simple plea in a squeaky, humorous voice:

"Don't eat me."

North was completely derailed by this, and once again, all he could do was laugh.

XXXXX

Jack looked across the pond to his sister. "Alright," he said, picking up his staff, "now it's your turn." He reached the stick out toward Emma. "One..."

The ice beneath her feet began to crack. Emma gasped, trying to move forward.

"That's it," Jack said softly. "Two..." He extended the staff a little further, so it was just within her reach.

"Three!"

In one swift movement, Jack hooked his staff around Emma's waist and hurled her across the ice. She looked up, beaming.

When he saw this, Jack smiled right back. Suddenly, his eyes went wide as the ice underneath him...

...stayed perfectly intact.

Jack peered down, baffled. Then he looked back to his sister and exclaimed, arms thrust out at his sides, "IT'S A MIRACLE!" As Emma burst into a fit of giggles, Jack turned to the crew. "What just happened?" he chuckled.

XXXXX

"Your center?"

Jack watched the kids of Burgess as they engaged in a snowball fight. "Well, it took a while..." He faced North and continued, "But I figured it out."

With a proud smile, North tossed a small wooden doll to the boy. Jack, however, fumbled to catch the doll, and after a momentary struggle, it fell to the ground. Playing off his bashfulness, Jack grinned into the camera.

. . .

With a proud smile, North tossed a small wooden doll to the boy. Jack caught the doll, then looked into his hand. After a beat of silence, he held it up to the camera and explained, "It's upside-down."

As Jack snickered at himself, North commented jokingly, "Is that me or is that you?"

. . .

With a proud smile, North tossed a small wooden doll to the boy. Unfortunately, he threw a bit too hard, and it wound up smacking Jack in the head. "Agh!" The winter spirit touched his forehead and pointed to North, laughing, "_That_ was you!"

. . .

With a proud smile, North tossed a small wooden doll to the boy. Jack reached up to catch it, but it sailed past his hand, and he watched it continue to soar through the air until it was out of sight. He stared at North in silence for a moment before telling him with a laugh, "You're not getting that back."

XXXXX

"Action!" the director shouted.

North slammed his hands on the door to the factory floor. But even with the force of the others behind him, the door wouldn't open, instead resulting in a four-Guardian pileup on the other side.

"Prokofiev!"

"Agh, crikey!"

"I think I broke a tooth!"

"Oh my goodness, are you sure?! Let me check!"

"...Everyone okay?" asked the director.

"Ahgahgahagaah!"

_Sigh_. "Tooth."

"Sorry! No damage!"

XXXXX

"Only six left!" Pitch walked gleefully across North's globe, watching the lights go out one by one. "Six precious children who still believe in the Guardians with all their h-" Suddenly, he stamped out another light. "Make that _five_." Another. Pitch danced with excitement. "Ooh, four! Threeee! Twoooo!"

When only one light remained, Pitch, feeling cocky, snapped his fingers in anticipation.

The light went out.

Pitch faltered. "Oh. Was- was that supposed to happen?" he called to the crew.

XXXXX

"People believe in me."

Jack and Bunnymund stared at each other for several seconds before hearing Tooth call out, "Now kiss!"

While this caused Jack to double over in laughter, Bunny remained perfectly still, his eyes wide and his nose slightly twitching.

XXXXX

Pitch snapped at Jack, "You wanted to be alone. So _be alone_!"

Baby Tooth took the moment to jab her beak into Pitch's thumb. He gave his hand a violent shake, throwing the small fairy several yards away. Enraged, he tightened his grip on Jack's staff, prepared to snap it in half.

"No!" cried Jack.

But the staff didn't break. Pitch tried again, but still, it wouldn't break. "Hold on," he muttered, trying a third time.

Jack awkwardly cleared his throat. "You, uh... you want some help?"

"Don't patronize me!" snapped Pitch. In a final effort, he slammed the staff over his leg, and still, it refused to break. He growled, "Is this thing made of steel?!"

XXXXX

"We're gonna play hopscotch," Jack said to his sister. "Like we play every day. It's as easy as, uh... one..." As he spoke, he took a large step to his right. The ice cracked, but still he grinned, comically flailing his arms and balancing on one leg... until he slipped and faceplanted into the frozen surface of the pond. "Ow," he mumbled.

"You alright?" called the director.

At the same time, Emma said, "Are you okay?", trying not to laugh.

Jack carefully picked himself up. "Yeah, I'm good... Why don't I wear shoes again?"

XXXXX

Tooth marveled at the collections of teeth the boys displayed to her. "Wow! You guys collect teeth an-"

"Whoooooaaaa!" Jack exclaimed as a strong gust of wind blew him off the roof of the building and sent him flying across New York City.

As the Guardians stared after him in shock, the director said, "Uh... shouldn't someone get him?"

"I can't fly," replied Bunny.

XXXXX

Jack rubbed his head, aching from the fall he'd just taken. He looked around the icy chasm and noticed his small fairy companion lying nearby.

"Baby Tooth!" He attempted to pull himself toward her, but the ice was so slippery that no matter how hard or how often he tried, he couldn't move. Finally, he stopped, looked to the crew offset, and declared, "It's really hard to crawl on ice."

"Why don't you just walk?" laughed the director.

"This is a tense moment," Jack explained, smiling, "it needs some humor!"

XXXXX

North held up a Russian nesting doll obviously designed after himself, a fierce look on its face. "This is how you see me, no? Very big and intimidating. But if you get to know me a little..." He handed the doll to Jack. "Well, go on."

Jack carefully took the wooden doll and twisted open the top half. Suddenly, a fake snake popped out of the doll, startling the winter spirit. He looked at North, who clutched his belly in laughter, and smirked. "You think you're pretty funny, don't you?"

XXXXX

"And worst of all," said Pitch's disembodied voice, "you're afraid you'll never know why." A disoriented Jack scanned the dark lair, searching for the Nightmare King. "Why you?" he went on. "Why were you chosen to be like this?" Jack suddenly turned around, only to find himself face to face with Pitch. "Well fear not-"

"Don't eat me."

Pitch froze. "...What?" Jack snorted with laughter, amused that he had caught his co-star so completely off-guard. Pitch cleared his throat awkwardly. "C-can we do that again?"

XXXXX

"Jack!" called Jamie.

The teen turned around to see the younger boy running across the ice to him. All of a sudden, Jamie lost his footing and skidded straight into Jack, both boys toppling over onto the surface of the frozen pond. The other Guardians and children, even the Yetis and elves, gave a collective, "Oooooohhh!"

Despite having suffered most of the impact, Jack laughed, "You alright, buddy?"

"Yeah," replied Jamie. "Why couldn't I wear shoes?"

"You are preaching to the choir, kiddo," Jack chuckled.

* * *

Fans of Downtime, worry not! Chapter two is on the way, and three is already in the works!


End file.
